Goodbyes

i hate myself for loving you.
and not tellin you tat.
now i'll never have the chance.
i missed you.
pls come bck to me.
Would you...
Save me a place in heaven?

For the friend who left me.
Forever.

*In memory of Dav 28/12/2006*

Ending Story*

This holiday is coming to an end this week.
I missed xiaolongbaos frm DingtaiFeng, corduroyandfinch muffins.
would like to play more more and more.
Hmm does anyone have any idea where to get fab chesnut cake over sg? im gettin addicted to those over here.sigh* and i cant bear not to eat 'em anymore): anyone who has an idea pls tellme...free treat of chesnutcake frm me.ha :P
i feel much better
can much think clearer too.
Now i would no longer harp on things tat dun belong to me
Hog on people whom never was mine.
I shall take it as it goes.
,

**Your Bday Present would be sent out through mail.and so if u wan it personally just tellme so?
I QUIT.
playing stupid mind games and being someone i hate.
I QUIT
my position of owning you
I QUIT
my job.

Ends the story*

I dunno if its just me...
But does it irritates you tat when you typed a whole chunk page of sms/email/letter...
and all you get is just a mono-syllabus one line reply??
It irks me.
It really does
-_-
Eg:
"So do you want to meetup tml?are you free in the afternoon/evening?Do you want to watch movies or should we just have lunch?"
And you get
"Okay."
-_-
so your free tml?
and you want to meetup when?
Do you want to watch movies and have lunch too?

Forfucksake, when people msged you a open qn, your obliged to msged a whole chuck of reply bck.
sigh*
I feel as if im redundant to you.
And
this just shows:
a)your very busy
b)your very busy and cant be bothered to care to reply me.
This's the same as not replyin one's msgs.
im almost tempted to write back a "watever"
but wats a better way to fight back?
Delete
Ignore
and Dun reply (:

Its like a vicious cycle.
We make merry and is happy
you do something stupid and insensitive and pissed me off.
I cant be bothered with you
You buy something to make me happy again.
Me is happy and we are back again.
And it goes on and on and on.
When can I untangle myself out of this?
Im tired of the game.

This holiday enables me to breathe see think and laugh better.
Its been ages since i felt like myself again
Wearing a social mask to those out there
pretending to understand and be like you people
buttin in to conversations tat i dun even know about.
and reminded tat im different frm you all.

Actions speak louder then words.
*SS.Sometime your with me,
Sometimes your not.
It gets harder as everyone tries to get a piece of you
and im left forgotten by you.
I dun know when your clammin up again.
And I fear its coming.
Perhaps you never did opened up to me.
It was just my wishful foolish thinking.
Perhaps i was never good 'nuff.
Its okay, I think.
as long as you have someone by your side.
how many times do you want me to ask you if your okay before you come to tellme the truth?
how many times must i reassure you tat we will always belong together?
how many times must i get pushed by you before i can learn to give up?
this break has indeed served its purpose.

Loneliness is just a feeling,
not a situation.

you know you have found it because you feel it when they take it away

Hola*

Was with DavidThePug during the last two days.
him playing the tour guide bringing me the virgin to his homeland.
Visting his two very very nice and friendly grandparents, cooking nice fab. meals for me (:
and allowing me to stay over the night :P
Haiz. i do think im becoming FAT after this holiday ends.
All the good food, and all the 'Your so skinny, must eat more..."
And it was really very heartwarming to be treated like their very own grandaughter by them.
Somehow, it felt nice to see my boy after so long and much had happened between us.

Act One Scene One
"OMFG.Wat did you do to your hair!?"
"Chop Chop Chop."
"Why?! I loved the way you were."
"But I liked myself better THIS way..."
"Sigh. Now my grandparents are going to think im homo, bringing a guy over."
-_-
"Asshole. Ive boobs okay."

Act One Scene Two
"Did you missed me?"
"Yeah."
"Then give me a kiss, quick..."
*slap*

And
we did seem to be back to the good o days.
people mistaking us for honeymoon couple
us making a hella fool out of ourselves
Just as i no longer feel the stress and insecurity when i was with him
Was it because he has changed?
Or me?
I no longer harp on things tat dun belonged to me
Those tat will be will be.
So we will just see how things goes, and remain the same now
Maybe after 2years things will changed again?
So far..
I still enjoy being single and available(:

After ThePug left,
I start to find my own entertainment sources :P
Eg.
Talking to Ms Kagome I smuggled from home in those late nights.

Holiday*

holiday means
time to leave the bustling streets
to dump stressful work to where they belong to
to throw your hp and all its tying relationships bounds bck at home
to cut yourself from all the little big things, no ties bonded

I like it this way(:
Eating, partying till the wee mornings.
Then going back for more drinks.
Sleeping. Playing.
Flying off to another princess lala land later.
Ah. But how long can I be like this?

*I think I should do this too right.
Comment (not tag) if you're interested, and I will reply in the same comment :D
1. Comment me with your name, and I'll tell something about you.
2. I'll tell you which band/movie/character reminds me of you.
3. I'll think of some stuff that we're both interested in.
4. I'll tell you why I would maybe be jealous of you.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you. (Or my most prominent memory of you, whichever comes to mind first.)
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wanted to ask.
7. If I'll do this about you, you'll have to put this into your journal.

*Updates*

it is an irony (and amuses me at the same time) how people make their own choices(decisions).
It could be those simple day to day making choices basis.
Like choosing the drink you want at the cafe.
Which movie to watch.
What dress you want to wear for tat special date.
And its funny how some would want to involve others into making the choice for them.
Is it so tat when the decision has been made and it is not something you had wanted it to be... then you can push the blame to others?
or tat you had diversify the responsibility to others
so when something goes wrong your not the only one to carry it?
Tat at least this helps you feel abit more better.
Perhaps.
And then there is those who actually had made their own decision before consulting others for more reassurance tat their decision is right.
And
Hee. Me belong to this type :P
Example:
"Should I get yellow or green?" I asked The step sister, choosing highlighters.
"Green lor." She answered.
"Okay. I’ll get yellow."
She went -_-"
------------------------------------

Had catch up and prata with Tqq in early mornin
Had a fun time at Botanic Gardens ystd (:
Tired but still (:
It perks me how invitations was sent out last min, and still we managed to had our little picnic, chit-chat.
And its amusing to see someone grabbed a muffin away, saying he wants to feed the swans...and when he came back empty hand,
"Wah, the swans really finished the muffin?"
"No. I fed them some, and finished all."
-.-"
Oh ya, I just had my own recipe of having nice coffee.
Put 2 cubes of willy wonka caramel’s chocolates in hot water, add coffee powder.
Viola!
Yummy happy drink.
ha Faithy, the chocolates you get for me when we went to watch The King and clown? 1/2 more pkt left.
Tired Tired Tired.
But looking forward to my break.
and tat someone would actually make the effort
To make time for me.
The date over there...
In the name of goodfriends.
Im anticipating.
---------------------------------------------

If I am the only one you have,
Then pls dun hide away your feelings from me.
Im no mind reader either okay.
Tell me you miss me.
And I may really consider.
*Im already leaving soon then still dun reply my msgs. Ass still say not sick of me?! ;P